WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
The Deep Dive Worksheet: Where LOLA's Old Map Gets Redrawn
This worksheet goes with the blog. It has 7 short sections. Each one tells you exactly what to do, and shows you a filled in example first, so you always know what your answer should look like. Take your time. There are no wrong answers here.
1. THIS WEEK IN LOLA MOMENTS
Instructions: Over the next few days, watch for moments when you have a big reaction to a small thing. As soon as it happens, come back here and fill in one entry: what happened, what your body did first, the story LOLA told you, and a guess at how old that reaction feels.
EXAMPLE ENTRY
What happened: My friend didn't text back for 2 hours.
Body's first move: My stomach dropped, my chest got tight.
The story LOLA told you: "She's mad at me. I did something wrong."
Guess her age: About 12, like middle school.
ENTRY 1
What happened: _______________________________________________
Body's first move: _______________________________________________
The story LOLA told you: _______________________________________________
Guess her age: _______________________________________________
ENTRY 2
What happened: _______________________________________________
Body's first move: _______________________________________________
The story LOLA told you: _______________________________________________
Guess her age: _______________________________________________
ENTRY 3
What happened: _______________________________________________
Body's first move: _______________________________________________
The story LOLA told you: _______________________________________________
Guess her age: _______________________________________________
2. SORT THE MEMORY
Instructions: In the blog, you learned your brain saves memories two ways: as facts, which come with a date, and as feelings, which don't come with a date at all. This activity helps you tell the two apart. Pick one moment from your entries above and use it below.
EXAMPLE: Facts: "She didn't text me back for 2 hours."
Feeling: "I felt like she hated me and I was about to lose a friend."
Circled: 90% about something older.
What actually happened? Just the facts, the way a stranger would describe it, with no story attached.
_______________________________________________
What did it feel like happened? This is the panic, the story, the worst case version.
_______________________________________________
Now circle whichever one feels true.
MOSTLY ABOUT TODAY MOSTLY ABOUT SOMETHING OLDER A LITTLE OF BOTH
Take a guess: how old do you feel inside this reaction?
_______________________________________________
3. DRAW YOUR OLD MAP
Instructions: When you were a kid, you picked up rules about love, safety, and people, just by living your life. Nobody handed you these rules on paper; you learned them by watching what happened around you. This section helps you see your own rules clearly, so you can tell if they're still true today.
EXAMPLE: Growing up, safety in my house looked like: "walking on eggshells, because I never knew what mood my dad would be in."
The rule I learned: "Don't ask for help. Just handle it yourself."
People are: unpredictable. I am: too much. The world is: unsafe.
Where I still use this map: "When my boss goes quiet, I assume I'm in trouble, even with zero proof."
Growing up, safety in my house looked like:
_______________________________________________
The rule I learned, without anyone ever saying it out loud:
_______________________________________________
Finish these three short sentences.
People are ___. _______________________________________________
I am ___. _______________________________________________
The world is ___. _______________________________________________
Where in your life today do you still use this exact same map, even though your life looks different now?
_______________________________________________
4. THE COST OF YOUR GO-TO MOVE
Instructions: When LOLA talks, most people default to one of two moves: they believe her completely, or they push the feeling down and pretend it's fine. Circle whichever one you do most.
BELIEVE IT SHOVE IT DOWN
EXAMPLE: I shove it down.
What it cost me: "I stayed quiet about feeling overwhelmed at work, until I finally broke down crying in the bathroom. I wish I had said something sooner."
What has this move cost you in the last year? Think about a relationship, a job, your sleep, or your patience with yourself.
_______________________________________________
If you stopped doing this, what would you have to feel instead?
_______________________________________________
5. BUILD YOUR EVIDENCE FILE
Instructions: LOLA likes to say "something is wrong with you." This section is where you collect proof that she's wrong. Think of three real moments, big or small, when things turned out fine, even though LOLA insisted they wouldn't.
EXAMPLE: I was sure my friend was mad at me for not texting back. Turns out her phone just died. Nothing was wrong with me.
1. _______________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________
Tip: keep this list somewhere you'll see it again, and add to it any time you catch LOLA being wrong.
6. A LETTER FROM YOUR HIGHER SELF TO LOLA
Instructions: AKO is your higher self, the calm and wise part of you. In this section, AKO writes LOLA a short letter. Thank her for trying to protect you. Then tell her what's changed since she first learned her old rules.
EXAMPLE: Dear LOLA, thank you for trying to keep me safe when I was little. I know you learned to expect the worst because that kept me prepared. But I'm safe now, and I don't need you to sound the alarm every time someone goes quiet. I've got this.
Now write your own letter, in your own words.
Dear LOLA,
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
7. THIS WEEK'S TINY EXPERIMENT
Instructions: Pick one small new thing to try, the next time LOLA shows up. Fill out the sentence below before you try it. Then come back afterward and write what actually happened.
EXAMPLE: If I text my friend and ask if everything's okay, instead of assuming she's mad, I predict I'll feel less anxious within a few minutes.
Result: I texted her. Her phone had died. I felt relieved right away.
"If I ______________________ instead of ______________________, I predict I'll feel ______________________."
Result, after you try it:
_______________________________________________
CLOSING LINE
Nothing here proves you're broken. It proves you've been using an old map, and now you have a new one too.
You got this! Nobody is coming to save you… you have to save yourself!
HAPPYISH HUMANS